Writing About Grief and Loss: A Guide for Memoir Authors

People write about grief for many reasons: to remember, to make sense of what happened, to keep a promise, or to offer someone else the companion they wished they had had. All of them are good reasons. A book about loss does not need to be definitive or wise; it needs to be honest and shaped with care.

Write first, shape later

In the early stages, write without worrying about a book. Journals, letters to the person you lost and fragments of memory are raw material. Many writers find that the structure only becomes visible after months of this kind of writing. There is no deadline for grief, and there does not need to be one for the manuscript.

Find the shape of the story

Grief memoirs tend to follow one of a few shapes:

Chronological: before, during and after the loss.
The first year: organised by seasons, anniversaries or "firsts".
Braided: the story of the loss woven with memories of the person, or with research on a related subject.
Companion or guide: short reflective chapters, sometimes with prompts or space for the reader to write.

Whatever the shape, readers need to know who the person was — not only how they died. Specific details (a laugh, a habit, a recipe) do more than adjectives.

Writing about real people

Memoir involves other people's lives. Be fair, avoid settling scores, and consider changing names or details of living people where privacy matters. Some writers share relevant passages with family members before publication. For anything that could be defamatory or involves private medical information about living people, take legal advice.

Take care of yourself

Writing about loss can reopen it. Work in short sessions, plan something restorative afterwards, and pause when you need to. A grief counsellor, support group or trusted friend can be part of the process. If you find yourself in crisis, contact a local helpline — in the US you can call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, Samaritans are available on 116 123.

Making the book useful to grieving readers

Length: many readers in grief struggle to concentrate. Shorter books and short chapters (40,000–70,000 words is common) are often welcome.
Typography: a slightly larger type size and generous margins make the book easier to read in difficult days.
Resources: include a page of helplines and organisations relevant to your readers' country.
Tone: avoid prescribing how readers should feel; share what helped you.

Grief books find readers through hospices, bereavement groups, faith communities, funeral professionals, counsellors and word of mouth, as well as bookstores. A gentle, beautifully designed hardcover is often bought as a gift. Choose comparable titles carefully so retailers place your book in the right category, and see our grief and loss genre notes.

Frequently asked questions

How long should a grief memoir be?

Many are between 40,000 and 80,000 words. Shorter, warmer books often suit readers in early grief.

Do I need permission to write about a family member who has died?

Generally you do not need legal permission to write about someone who has died, but privacy of living relatives and accuracy still matter. Take advice if you are unsure.